Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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