He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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