This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
