Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
