I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
if only i could text you this smell
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
