evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
