dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
false alarm, still single
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
