I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
