And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
