cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Welp...herpes.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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