Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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