how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
