true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
