some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
