If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
