please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
