Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
