It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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