Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
