ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Holy sore nipples Batman
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
