I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
