ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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