I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
