Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It's never too late to be topless.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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