I can tuck mytits in my pants
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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