lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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