Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
