I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
