I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
