If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
