something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
