he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
