You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
