Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
