Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's never too late to be topless.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
soo... how was my night?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
