Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
