I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
