I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just got carded by a ten year old.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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