"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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