I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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