Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
