i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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