the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
