I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
