he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
