I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
