Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
