it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
