So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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