I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
In other news, I just burned my penis
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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