me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
