Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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