So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
